Advice to get past the hurt and figure out how to have a healthy relationship.... plz.?

I am divorced nearly 3 yrs after a 25 year marriage (two kids, both grown). I will say 17 yrs were good----the rest were quite abusive. It began with finances, then verbal abuse, emotional and eventually it became physically abusive. The point is that I am recognizing that my perceptions are all off---I am so used to being manipulated and messed with that I can't tell who my real friends are. The best I can describe it is that I tend to keep people away (men and women friends) and that I can get a little defensive. The divorce process took over two years---so I have not really been alone that long. It was an ugly nasty process where he did a lot of threatening and screaming and I found myself seeking safety in a shelter. I have to say, I never would have dreamt that my life would come to this.....but that is another post. The point is, that I got out. I got some help. I am established in my own place and surviving a world of changes that are all going very well....except for personal relationships. The people at work or anything task oriented is not a problem... but the minute I start to get close with anyone, crossing that line into friendship, I can't believe the stuff that still comes up. What I want is a meter----a little gadget like a tester---so I could tell who is a good guy and who is not (man or woman) lol....but since that isnt available and I dont trust my own judgement where do I start? I should probably say my ex was diagnosed as a narcissist (not until during the divorce proceedings) so I was dealing with a serious problem that we both were avoiding---the short version is that when things were going his way he was wonderful to me and I would buy into the fantasy every single time....and when things didn go his way (anywhere at home or at work, in traffic, etc.) he became a tyrrant. I would always feel bad for him in whatever situation that was setting him off....and slowly the bar lowered...as I let h im treat me worse and worse until I was locked in the cycle with no where to turn. I am very proud of myself for getting out. But now what? I dont like who I am. I am broken and weak. What resources help? (Yes I pray). What other practical steps can I take to rebuild my life and get some healthier attitudes and relationships? thanksAdvice to get past the hurt and figure out how to have a healthy relationship.... plz.?
It is hard to overcome obsticles in your life and it takes a lot of work. First I will start with when there is a true problem or tragedy in your life, you will notice a lot of times friends become strangers and strangers become friends. Start by sitting down and making a list of any negative things that you will not allow in your life and no matter what happens, put your foot down. You have to let your guard down a little just to be able to get out and socialize again and you will be able to show off the brand new you. Since he is gone you can allow yourself more confidence and self esteem because there isn't anything wrong with you it was him. It is scary starting out new and alone but it is better to be by yourself than to be misserableAdvice to get past the hurt and figure out how to have a healthy relationship.... plz.?
the only advise i can give is take all the good parts of the relationship and love them and then take all the bad parts and say well thats why the relationship did not work and deal with each one at a time till you eather fix it or relasr that it was not your fault and except it as its not me and move onto the next.
I would suggest going to see a counselor that specializes in relationships. Group therapy might be good too, since that will help with relationships and building skills around that. Try to look into government resources and nonprofits to see if you can find counseling for less money if that is an issue.