I held no ill will toward his parents, but they turned on me when my husband told them we were separating. His mother has been openly hostile to me. I was not invited to their 50th anniversary party and found this out one day after they came to a large celebration for my oldest son and, in the middle of the reception, came up to me and said, ';We would like to have a relationship with you';.
That was 2 weeks ago. My father in law found out he needs heart surgery. I have not been welcome to go visit him in the hospital. My husband has been there nearly constantly and has taken time off work to be there.
Here's the problem: I'm glad for him that he is spending time with his parents. I spent 22 years hearing how awful his parents were and being the one to keep the lines of communication open with them. They never would have heard from him if it were not for me.
However, 2 years ago when I was very sick for months, my husband took not one day off. When I had to have a heart procedure, he asked me to find a ride! When I got upset, he finally showed up at the hospital and told me how much he wanted to be there (ha.)
I am so angry today about this! If I say anything, my husband will tell me how awful I am for wanting to keep him from his father. That's not how I feel AT ALL.
Any advice?Need advice to get past this resentment?
Skip the separation, and go straight for divorce. You're lucky to get away from such a screwed-up bunch of assholes. I'm quite sure your life will improve when they are removed from it.
I divorced after 24 years...inlaws never so much as sent a Christmas card, even though HE was the one who cheated and caused it. I am far happier now.Need advice to get past this resentment?
Tell him that you aren't trying to keep him away from his dad and it's good he is there for him, but that you are still hurt from when you were sick and need to tell him how you felt back then when you really needed him. I think that's the whole issue. It has nothing to do with now, it's just that this situation is bringing up a hurt that you never dealt with.
Who told you you were not welcomed for a visit at the hospital?
Send your wishes to your ex father-in-law in a card.
About this resentment, you have 2 choices, you let it consume you little by little or you make peace with it. You can't go over every thing you did for your husband during the last 22 years and feel regrets for doing them. At the time you did those things you were willing to do them because you loved him.
Look at this from my eyes. I see a lady who may have been mistreated a bit and definitely went through some tough times. Now again you are doing the same with the in laws. There appears to be no reward for being as caring as you have been but that is normal in life. All the good things we do do not go rewarded. Your reward, that no one can take away, is the person that you have become in spite of the diversity that you have endured. Can you see that because your husband has been spoilt somewhat that that is why he isn't as caring? Letting him out in th world may be the best thing you can do for him. And you can use the rest too.
The final straw in my marriage of 17 years was when I had to go alone for a biopsy on a breast lump. My ex wouldn't take two hours off work to go with me.
At times like that, you kind of hear that final nail being driven into the coffin of the relationship, don't you?
I'm still angry when I think about it, and it was over 5 years ago. Just remember, you're better than he is. You could try to tell the creep how you feel, but he sounds too selfish to listen. Take heart in knowing that you've done your best and now you can move on with a clear conscience.
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